my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
