do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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