Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
