I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
