I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
