Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
