I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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