i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
