just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
