your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
