you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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