i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
