What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I touched a dick in church today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
