yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
