Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
