I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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