just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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