your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
