This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
