if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
