I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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