he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
