he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
