don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
