The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
