the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
