I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dick has a subreddit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
