im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
