I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
