That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
