We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
