Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
