If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
