Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm like, not good at living.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
