just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
