Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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