Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
