why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
