I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
