Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
