My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
