I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
