you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
