we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
