Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
