I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
