it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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