I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
