I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
