I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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