I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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