I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
