I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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